It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
