some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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