she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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