Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
