I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
