I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
