Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
