The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
