i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
