If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
