I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
