areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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