how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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