When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
