she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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