I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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