I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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