Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
