distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
