I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
