I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
