Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
