i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
