The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
