in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
