I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
