im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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