i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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