All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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