Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
