Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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