I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
