McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
