i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
