I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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