upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i dont even know how to be here
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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