we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
