I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
