Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
