Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
