1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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