Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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