We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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