I feel great
I just peed on a car
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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