if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
