She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
