Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
