a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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