What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He passed out mid-signature
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
