We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's always time for handjobs
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
