I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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