I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
