she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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