Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
